Give Me One Reason
by ISFAN
Summary: Begins where My Stupid Mouth left off.
1. Give Me One Reason

**A/N**: This story begins where **_My Stupid Mouth_** left off. I don't know how long this story will run for; I'm playing it by ear. I don't own _Instant Star_. Reviews are welcome.

_**Give Me One Reason**_

How he managed to sneak onto the plane I'll never know, but I nearly jumped out of my skin when I was lightly tapped on the shoulder and heard a voice softly say my name. "Jude…" he breathed. There was a complex history woven into that single word; a plethora of things left unsaid, and a whirlwind of emotion blanketing that one syllable. I wrenched my sight towards the sound of his voice; my knuckles clutching the steering wheel were white. "Give me one _God_ damn reason not to land the plane right now!" I said menacingly through gritted teeth. "We need to talk…" he said gazing into my stormy blue eyes. "After _five_ years_ now _you want to _talk_?! I said incredulously tasting the bitter gall in my words. "It's never too late, _girl_!" he said his eyes softening as he sat down in the co-pilot's seat. "_Yeah_, well maybe the _past_ should _stay_ where it is…_in the past_." I said turning to face the control panel once again and flipping on the auto-pilot switch before I rose and made my escape leaving him to ponder my words.

**Jude's POV**

I paced the passenger cabin like an angry tigress with my hackles raised and the scent of blood in my nostrils. "_Unfucking_ _believable_!" I shouted angrily. "_How dare he?_!" I yelled. "_After ignoring me since I moved out of our apartment, I mean his apartment, now he wants to talk about things! Well fuck that! He can just forget it_!" I growled. "He's _not_ going to ruin this. I'm not changing my plans because of _him_! I won't let him get to me! As soon as I land this plane he's out on his _ass_! Do you _hear_ that Little Tommy Q?! As soon as I land, I want you off _my_ plane and out of _my_ life for _good_!" I screamed. Tommy chafed at hearing the term of endearment he'd spent most of his adult life trying to distance himself from. "_Jude_, you are being completely unreasonable!" he said slightly exasperated. "_No_, what would be _unreasonable_ would be if I opened that door and threw your ass off the plane without a parachute!" I said angrily meaning every word. "_Now_, keep your trap shut and sit over there; I can't even look at you right now!" I said my shoulders shaking with barely suppressed rage.

**Tommy's POV**

I reluctantly did as I was told. I didn't doubt the tone of her voice that if I opted to ignore her open threat that I would most definitely be subject to bodily harm. Her mood seemed to lighten when I complied. I marveled at the fact that _she_ was flying the plane. "_When did she find the time to get her pilot's license anyway_?" I thought silently. "_Well at least I accomplished the first item on my checklist, which was to ninja gaiden it onto the plane undetected. Actually, that was the only item on the checklist seeing as how I completely shit a brick wall when I found out she was leaving. I had to quite literally twist Jamie's arm to find out where Jude would be. Of course, he made a solemn vow that he'd break my arm if I broke her heart again. I had to grudgingly admit that the kid had balls to tell me in the first place. Please, like he could!" I thought smugly to myself. I didn't however doubt Kwest's threat. I can't believe he threatened me, me, his so-called best friend_." I thought replaying our last conversation. "_Tom, man, you're my best friend and I love you like a brother, but hurt that girl again and not only will you find yourself without a best friend and the use of an arm, but I'll break your neck. Got that! That girl deserves better!" he said. "Better than me you mean?" I said unflinching. "She deserves the best. She deserves everything this world has to offer. But most of all, that girl deserves to be loved by someone unselfishly, faithfully, and unconditionally, Tommy." Kwest said passionately, which gave Tommy some insight into his best friend that he had never known. "You're in love with her!" Tommy said incredulously. "Once upon a time man, now all I care about is that she's happy. Besides there never was any room in her heart for anyone but you, T." he said with a trace of the old pain in his voice. Tommy's mouth hung open. "What?!" Tommy said. "Tom that girl has always carried a torch for you, still does. And that's why it kills me to say this, but you have to go after her man! She's got a private jet fueled and on standby. Better act fast before she's gone." Kwest said as he scribbled directions into the palm of my hand. _I glanced down at the blackish ink that was smeared across my palm and stared out the window aimlessly hoping to get struck by an idea on how to get the girl.


	2. Reason To Believe

**A/N**: I thought Borders had wireless Internet access. Oh well, at least it gave me some time to write part 2 of this story. Anyways, I don't _Instant Star_. Reviews are welcome.

_**Reason To Believe**_

Tommy was nearly thrown out of his chair when he heard her voice over the plane's PA system. "You might want to put on your seatbelt seeing as how we're about to land…" she said none too kindly. Tommy closed his eyes as he felt the plane descend. He felt the plane gently touch the ground and sighed with relief. That was the easy part. What he was worried about was what he was going to do once the plane was at a complete stop and he was forced to act, to do something, anything really to make her give him the time of day to explain himself; although, thinking about it now he wasn't exactly sure what he was going to say to her. The 'fasten your seatbelt light' dinged off. This was it. This was his chance. "Jude, can we maybe…um…Jude…" I said hopefully. She gave me a cold glare and exited the plane.

By the time I got over the disappointment of being brushed off and exited the plane she was already in a boat and headed towards one of the nearby islands. "Note to self must somehow get a hold of a boat or find someone who has a boat…" Tommy thought ruefully as he watched the boat get smaller and smaller into the horizon. All Tommy had with him were the clothes on his back, his cell phone which at the moment was on its last legs of battery, and his wallet. Tommy hitchhiked until he reached the town's center. It wasn't much. A little hotel/café, a telephone booth, and that was it. He walked into the hotel. It was deserted. He walked back out onto the street and seated himself at the one of the café's unoccupied tables. He sat there looking around. "Does anyone even live here?" he said scratching his head. From his peripheral vision he sensed a sign of life. He breathed a sigh of relief. "Hi, could you tell me who I should talk to so I can get a room at the hotel?" I said in my cheeriest voice to the grandmotherly woman with the flour-stained apron. "That would be me. Hi, I'm Dominique. I run the hotel and this café. You can have your pick of the rooms. We don't receive many guests here." She said shaking my hand and smiling down at me. "Well now that business is all squared away what may I get you?" she said with a kind smile. "Small black coffee, please." I said wearily. "I just baked some blueberry pie; how about I add a scoop of vanilla ice cream, and maybe a dollop of whipped cream you look like you could use some cheering up!." She said her forehead creasing in concern. I sighed aloud and rubbed my temples. "So it's like that, huh. It can only mean one thing. Woman troubles." she said wagging her finger at him. I smiled ruefully. "Don't worry, we'll see what we can do." she said as she disappeared into the café only to return a few minutes later with two slices of blueberry pie, an entire gallon of homemade vanilla ice cream, and a bowl of freshly made whip cream.

Tommy got up quickly to help her with her burden. She shooed him away when he tried to help her serve the two of them. "None of that now!" She said as she lightly slapped his hand away and gently pushed him back down onto his seat. When she finally got settled back into her chair herself he opened his mouth. "Food first, then talking." she scolded. Tommy's cheeks turned red at the admonishment and he suddenly felt like he was transported back to his 5-year old self... He did as he was told, broke off a piece of the pie with his fork, covered it with ice cream, and dipped it into the whipped cream before taking his first bite. It was just like his grandma used to make. His whole face lit up. Pretty soon he was shoveling it into his mouth never noticing that she kept adding more to his plate and before he knew it he was completely stuffed. He leaned back in his chair in utter contentment. "That was excellent!" he said as he wiped his mouth with the cloth napkin. "That's good to hear. No one is ever around to appreciate my culinary skills. Well, that's not true. Jude's here when she has a minute or two to spare." she said. Tommy's face immediately fell when he heard Jude's name; this didn't go unnoticed by Dominique. She got up from the table and went back into the café once again.

This time when she returned she brought out two glasses filled with ice and an unopened bottle of fifty year old whiskey. She poured the liquid into the two glasses and pushed one of the glasses towards him. "What's this for?" he asked as he swirled the contents of the glass. "Liquid courage." she said with a straight face before she broke out into a small laugh as she watched him down the drink in one gulp. She poured him another glass. Again he downed it quickly. A few more glasses and he would probably be telling her anything she ever wanted to know about him; a journalist's dream come true. The bottle's contents began to disappear as he tried to chase the pain of him and Jude, Jude and him, of everything that had gone on and was going on between them. And finally feeling comfortably warm, fed, and safe in the presence of this woman who so reminded him of his grandmother he told her everything about his life from his childhood, to life with the Boyz, life after the Boyz, what had happened between Jude and him, and even parts of himself that he had kept hidden away even from himself. The sky darkened and the stars were shining down on them by the time he had finished his tale. His voice was raspy, but he felt as if a massive weight had been lifted up and off his shoulders. "It's nice to have somebody to talk to about this; thank you for listening." he said sincerely.

"You might not want to be thanking me quite yet especially when I say this with all the best intentions, but you're an idiot!" she said patting my hand and smiling. That immediately grabbed my attention. "Excuse me!" I said in shock. "Did that whole thing work for you with your pretty face and smooth words?" She said gesturing at me and referring to my checkered past. "It worked very well for me thank you very much." I said indignantly seeing as how even with the best of intentions she had bruised the ol' Quincy pride. "Ahh but even with all that you are unhappy, no?" she said with the tone of somebody that had lived and seen much. "I was very happy until I met Jude." I said. "What changed?!" she said. "She made me realize that even with everything I had I wasn't happy. I was chasing something I could never catch, so in my frustration I turned to other things. Fame. Fortune. Fast cars. Fast women. Fast lifestyle. That was all I knew. Life was simple. And then she came into my life and she made me ashamed of how I was living my life. Shallow. Cheap thrills. She saw so much in me; she taught me that all things were possible; that I could accomplish anything I set my hand to; she gave me hope. And it struck me that somewhere along the way I had forgotten everything I believed in; I had lost myself. It was like the mask that I had worn to face the Industry and to face the public took over my real self. Pretend stopped becoming pretend became reality. I lost the pride I felt in what I did; my music became tainted. I gave them what they wanted to hear. I whored my talents and instead of creating beauty and art I made total shit, pardon my French. I can't even bare to listen to some of the songs I've made. Pretty I couldn't even appreciate life. I walked around with a giant chip on my shoulder and a scowl on my face as if nothing was good enough to touch me. I became untouchable. But Jude, she saw _me_." Tommy said his voice changing, sounding softer when he talked about Jude. Dominique noted this and locked it away in her memory. "Sounds like she really got you...what happened?" she said. "She wanted something I couldn't give her." I said sadly. "Ah, yes, Carrie." she said. I flinched at the sound of her name as the old wounds were torn anew and the pain of what had transpired flared once again. "From your reaction I gather that you haven't told Jude about what happened with Carrie and your family." she said patting my hand once again. "No, you're the only other person that knows about that part of my past except for my best friend, Kwest." I said. She sighed, "the only advice I can give you is this: tell her what you told me." "It's not that easy." I whined. "Of course it's not. Nothing worth having ever is." she said. He looked ready to wave the white flag of defeat. She had to give him something to nibble on. "She loves you, you know. She's just been waiting for you to grow up." She said squeezing my hand in reassurance. "She told you she loved me?!" I said incredulously. "No but a woman knows these things." She said. Tommy looked forlorn once again. "Come on you should get to bed. You'll need your rest." She said as she got up and grabbed the dishes from the table. "For what?!" I said following her inside the café. "I have a small rowboat I can lend you." She said as she began to wash their plates. I groaned at the prospect of schlepping my way to Jude. "Don't worry Tommy. If it's truly meant to be it'll all work out." she said. "And what if it doesn't?!" I said sounding like a little boy who was just told that Santa Clause doesn't really exist. "Then at least you'll know that you tried everything you could. Regret is a burden that doesn't ease with time." she said unable to mask the sadness in her eyes or the ache in her voice. I was about to say something when she stopped me. "Another story for another time. Now off to bed with you." She said as she shooed me with the dish towel. "Oh and think fast." she said as she tossed me a set of keys, which I grabbed out of the air. "Thanks." I said as I made my way upstairs to one of the many unoccupied rooms.


	3. Morning Calls

**A/N**: So I jumped onto the unsecured tmobile network, but you have to pay for a connection. Isn't anything free these days? Guess not. Well, at least I churned out the next part of this story. I don't own _Instant Star_. Reviews welcome.

_**Morning Calls**_

I rolled over and shoved the pillow on top of my pounding head desperately trying to deafen the noise that was emanating from the door. My mouth was dry and tasted like the glue part of an envelope. There was grit in my eyes and did I mention that my head hurt like the seven hells. I squinted furiously when a bright light was suddenly glaring down at me, but at least the incessant knocking had stopped. And then the covers were thrown off my naked yes that's right naked body. My clothes were hurled at my fetal form. They smelled amazing like they had been freshly washed. "I took the liberty of washing your clothes while you slept." the voice said much too loudly. Ooh and they were warm. "Get up you slugabed. Jude gets up early." She said briskly as she shoved a plate under my nose causing me to salivate down my chin. Very attractive. "And eat this. You're too skinny." she said distastefully. It then struck me that I was still in all my naked glory. My neck flushed an unsightly shade of red. "I've got grandchildren older than you. Nothing I haven't seen before." she said slightly amused as she handed me a plate with eggs, bacon, toast with butter and homemade jam. I made quick work of it. As I swallowed the last remnants of my meal she handed me a glass of some unknown concoction and two extra strength Tylenols. I raised my brows at her. "Clears your hangover right up." She said knowingly. "I added honey." She said as my lips puckered and I had to do everything in my power to suppress my urge to hurl after swallowing the god awful stuff. She watched me like a hawk to ensure that I drank the whole glass down. "Ugh!" I said using my arm to wipe my mouth. I clutched my stomach as it began to convulse, but surprisingly nothing happened. She opened the window. "Smells like a bar in here" she said wrinkling her nose. "You might want to shower before you see her." she said facetiously. It was way too early to devise a witty comeback, so I made a face. I sniffed the air and decided that although the fresh air from the windows was improving the fragrance in the room I most definitely was a wee bit pungent. I got up slowly from the bed clutching the towel to my hip and walked into the bathroom.

By the time I got out of the shower, the bed was made and she had left a note that she was at the café. I got dressed quickly feeling remarkably better after her hangover remedy, a full belly, and a nice warm shower. I made a mental note to thank her when I found a container of pomade, a small hand mirror, and an antique looking comb lying on top of the bed. The sun was shining by the time I headed downstairs to see Dominique. She was sitting at one of the tables at the café with a picnic basket. I stared at her perplexed. "You weren't going to show up empty handed like a beggar were you?" she said eyeing my expression. I grinned sheepishly. "That's what I thought." she said as she handed me the basket. It was definitely heavier than it looked. She walked over to the entrance of the hotel/café and locked it. "Are you ready?" she asked. Whether she meant rowing to the island, facing Jude, or both I wasn't quite sure. There were a million voices in my head voicing all my fears. I stared at my feet willing the voices to loosen their grasp on my precious sanity. "Just follow this and everything will be fine." she said as she tapped me on my chest. And with that still lingering on my mind I followed her to where the rowboat was waiting and where my imminent future depended upon. I nearly stumbled getting into the damn thing, but Dominique steadied me. I gave her a grateful look. I took a seat in the boat, picked up the oars, and began to slide them through the water while she looked on with an encouraging smile. My arms were straining by the time her figure was too small to make out on the shoreline. "I guess I'm on my own." I murmured to the howling wind. "God help me." I said.


	4. Remember To Breathe

**A/N: **Still here at Borders. Man, this laptop battery's still running strong. Amazing. Close to three and a half hours. Anyways, I'm starting to get hungry, so this'll probably be the last update for tonight.

_**Remember To Breathe**_

She was knee deep in cool wet earth with pruners and a spade in her hand when she heard a commotion. Her rotweiler Kurt strolled up to her with something hanging from his mouth. "What's this?" she said as she tried to tug it away from him. "This isn't playtime, boy." she said in a serious tone. He let go and it dropped into her dirt stained hands. She stared at him aghast. His tongue was lolling and he looked amused as if he knew something she didn't. In the palm of her hand she held a piece of fabric; it looked like it came from a pair of jeans. She was still gazing at it when she heard a growl come from Kurt's throat. She looked up startled to see a much disheveled figure. "These yours!" she drawled trying to suppress the giggle about to burst from her lips. "What do you think, _girl_!" he said without any hint of amusement. Kurt, terrifying at two hundred pounds of sinew and muscle, was all out snarling at the intruder. Tommy's face turned ghastly white and he took a step back. He watched as she leaned close into the dog's ear and whispered something while she softly patted the head of his would be killer. To his utter amazement he lay down at her feet completely docile and waited patiently until she scratched his massive belly. He was still gaping at the sight when she interrupted his scattered thoughts. "You're trespassing." She said curtly as she stood up and putting her arms across her chest. "What part of 'I want you out of my life' could you not understand!" she said poking her finger into his chest.

I panicked and thrust the picnic basket towards her. "What's this?" she said suspiciously as she spied the contents of the basket. "I'll have to thank Dominique when I see her." she said as she grabbed a pastry from the basket. "Hmmmm" she groaned while licking the chocolate from her fingers. My body involuntarily responded to the sound of her pleasure. I tried my best to think of the vilest non-sexual things I could think of at the spot. "Haven't changed one bit have you Quincy!" Jude said as she rolled her eyes at me. "My feelings haven't changed…" I pleaded stepping towards her causing Kurt to circle Jude protectively and flashing his finely honed and extremely sharp pearly whites at me. "So you admit that you have feelings!" she said harshly. "I deserved that." I said wincing at her tone. "You deserve a _hell_ of a lot worst!" she said. "I'm not leaving until we're okay." I said softly. "Good. Call me when hell freezes over." She said looking straight into my eyes before I watched her disappear into her house.

Even the giant beast of a dog felt bad for me. He whined softly in his throat and nudged my leg gently with his nose until I began to scratch his head absentmindedly. I stared at the fortress in front of me. It was literally a fortress. I had read in Forbes magazine's most extravagant homes list that Jude had seen a castle she liked while in Europe and had it airlifted piece by piece and reassembled on her private island. It was complete with moat, drawbridge, turrets, armory, dungeon, torture chamber, and secret tunnels. I looked down at Kurt with a plan brewing in mind. He whuffed at me in curiosity. Kurt knew these grounds well and if there was a way into the impregnable castle he was my best option; okay I admit it he was my only hope.


	5. Gravity

**A/N**: Hi, everyone just a short update. I don't own _Instant Star_. Reviews welcome.

_**Gravity**_

The sun had set hours ago and Tommy found himself wandering around in the dark with only the moonlight and a hulking figure of a dog close at his heels as his only companions. He was exhausted. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. He stopped dead in his tracks and collapsed on the ground in a heap of limbs carelessly thrown about him. Kurt stopped ten feet in front of him and turned his massive head around. He felt something cold and damp nudge his hand before his face was washed with a soft pink tongue. He groaned and pushed Kurt's face away gently with his hand. He lay there watching the stars trying to clear his head and his heart. Kurt whined and reluctantly lay down next to Tommy laying his head heavily onto his stomach. Tommy used his left arm to pillow his head from the cold hard ground and with his right gave Kurt a thorough scratch on his head. He wasn't sure how much time passed as he gazed at the night sky watching in wonder as a falling star flitted across it. He squeezed his eyes shut and made a wish. After some time he began to shiver from head to toe. Kurt sensed Tommy's discomfort and moved his body closer to Tommy's to lend his new friend some of his body's heat. An hour later and Tommy's teeth started chattering; his nose grew a bit numb. Kurt whined in concern and got up from off the ground. He put one of Tommy's pant legs into his jaws and began to drag him along. Tommy was too weak to protest. His body seemed to wander over every tree root, fallen branches, and loose rocks. After one particularly rough terrain and combined with the cold and stiffness settling into his bones he fell unconscious.

Jude was sound asleep when she heard barking. She shoved a pillow over her head to deafen the sound. Kurt however had other plans. He let go of Tommy's pant leg and began pawing at the door. Then he began to mix in whining along with his loud barking. Jude violently threw the covers off her body. She groggily wiped the sleep from her eyes and put on a robe. She sat at the desk and checked out the images coming form the surveillance feeds. "Oh God is that Tommy?" she said as she squinted at the prone figure next to her dog Kurt. She watched as he padded over to Tommy and budged him with his nose but did not get a response. Jude pushed the chair back causing it to clatter to the ground. She was out of breath by the time she reached Kurt and an unconscious Tommy. Using reservoirs of strength she didn't know she had she draped Tommy's limp arm across her thin shoulders and dragged him inside.

She kicked down the door to her bedroom open and barely made it to the bed before she collapsed on top of it breathing hard. Tommy lay sprawled on the bed with his legs dangling over the edge. She sat on the floor and took off his muddy boots and socks. She then slowly worked her way to removing his shirt and jeans, which were none, too clean either. She looked straight ahead at the wall as she removed his last article of clothing, his boxers. With her last strength she pulled the covers over him. "Oh my God, Kurt, are his lips blue?" Jude said with a frown as a crease began to form on her forehead where it hadn't been before. Kurt nudged her hand with a wet nose before giving it a lick. She felt slightly better as she leaned down and scratched him under his chin his tail wagging half heartedly. Kurt padded over to the fireplace and began to drop logs into it. "Good idea, boy." She said as she saw what he was doing. A few minutes later Jude had a fire crackling in the fireplace.

Jude felt Tommy's skin; it was still cold, but at least his breathing sounded better. She hadn't realized that she had been matching him breath for breath. She began rubbing up and down his arms and sides generating enough friction to warm him up. She began to yawn and looked down over at Kurt who was curled up by the fire; he was fast asleep. She sighed. "Desperate times call for desperate measures." She said with determination mixed with a little apprehension as she disrobed and slid into bed. She moved him so he lay on his side and began rubbing his arms, his sides, and his back resting her cheek against the planes of his chest. She wasn't sure how long this went on for, but her eyelids grew heavy and sure enough she began to do the head nod; her head would dip down and she found herself jerking her head violently to keep herself awake. She was losing the battle and she knew it, so she lay him on his back and lay his head gently onto the pillow before draping her body on top of his and letting her body heat transfer to him. Before succumbing to sleep and drifting off to neverland she whispered something into his ear, "You sooo owe me for this little Tommy Q." And with those words she closed her eyes and hoped that everything would be okay.


	6. Running Up That Hill

**A/N**: Has it really been over a month, since I posted the last chapter. I'm really sorry about that. So what lies ahead? Truthfully, the story takes a stark turn. Is it the end? Or is it the beginning of something different? I'm not sure yet. I don't own _Instant Star_. I don't own Kate Bush's _Running Up That Hill_. The band Placebo did a remake of her song and I've been listening to it on repeat ever since. Listen to it while you read: http://regality. Up That Hill

Tommy woke up in unfamiliar surroundings. He could smell her scent throughout the room, on the bed sheets he lay in, on the pillow he rested is head upon, in the very air he breathed. He cracked one eyelid open and noticed that he was alone. A sheet of parchment lay on the other side of the bed. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and sat up with his back resting on the headboard. He unfolded the piece of paper and began to read the familiar handwriting.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tommy,

Have you ever noticed that the road to darkness is paved with good intentions? Bad things happen to good people. Bullshit. Bad things happen period. I'm a good person. That didn't protect me. Am I bitter? Maybe. Am I angry? You bet. You wanna know what could push someone to the breaking point?

**_Flashback _**

_"Miss Harrison, please sit down." he said. I held on to the desk as I sat down my knees feeling suddenly weak. "We found something on your MRI. There's a small tumor in these regions of your brain. It's what's been causing your headaches and blackouts. Your CT scans reveals that it has spread throughout your body. Moreover, your platelet count is extremely low. Your immune system is doing the best it can. Your exhaustion, nausea, vomiting are direct results of your condition. You have stage four cancer." he said his eyes holding such compassion that it made my heart ache. "How long?" I said my voice on the edge of hysteria. "Chemo and radiation will prolong…" he said. "How long?" I said my voice gaining an edge of anger. "You have one to two months at most. Now, if you decide to receive treatment, we're talking another six months. But the side effects of the treatment…" he said. "I understand. Thank you, doctor." I said with resolve. I got up from the chair, held my shoulders back, and walked out of that office with my chin held high. I walked slowly to my car, each step feeling like it held the weight of the world. When I unlocked the door and got inside I put my seatbelt on and only then did I allow myself to cry, to breakdown. _

**_End of flashback_**

(Kate Bush _Running Up That Hill_)

_It doesn't hurt me. _

It wasn't supposed to turn out like this. When I think back on my life never in my wildest dreams did I think that something like this could happen. Sure, you hear about other people's stories and you thank your lucky stars that it happened to someone else. Yet here I am.

_You want to feel, how it feels? _

Does that make me a bad person?

_You want to know, know that it doesn't hurt me? _

No. It makes me human. Two months at most he had told me. So, I did the only thing I could.

_You want to hear about the deal I'm making. _

I hired someone to give away all my possessions; it was donated to worthy causes: charities, hospitals, shelters, orphanages. But I'm not a saint. I took a portion of the money I'd earned and bought a small island, and had a fairy tale castle flown there. I bought two dogs to keep me company for the final transition. Dogs are loyal and they'll love you unconditionally, terminal or no. I left my old life behind. I left you behind.

_You, you and me._ _  
_  
_And if I only could,  
Make a deal with God,  
get him to swap our places,  
Be running up that road,  
Be running up that hill,  
Be running up that building.  
If I only could, oh..._

And now I lie here in your arms, truly and utterly terrified. Scared of how good it feels to be this close to you, again, to share my life with you again. Did you know I used to watch you sleep? I used to lie awake at night and memorize your face try to imagine how it would look fifty years from now after spending a lifetime together. Kids. Grandkids. I was young, naïve, and in love. The kind of love you know you'll find only once if you're lucky. What did I know back then? It hasn't quite been fifty years, but your face hasn't changed, much. There are lines there now; a roadmap of your life, a life I'll never experience.

_You don't want to hurt me, _

_But see how deep the bullet lies.  
Unaware I'm tearing you asunder.  
there's a thunder in our hearts, baby._

I can't let you in. I won't let you in. Like you wouldn't let me in. And that had hurt. Hurt so much that I subconsciously sabotaged all my relationships and all chances of being happy. I never let anyone else get too close to me. You had broken something inside of me that day. And I hated you.

_so much hate for the ones we love?  
Tell me, we both matter, don't we?  
You, you and me.  
you and me, won't be unhappy._

And now here you are. In my bed. It would have been so easy to leave you out there to suffer alone and in the dark. We're all dying anyway. Some faster than others. Does it scare you to see how I've become? I've embraced the darkness. But it'd be a lie to say I wasn't terrified. I'm dying. There's no going back. 

_And if I only could,  
make a deal with God,  
And get him to swap our places,  
Be running up that road,  
Be running up that hill,  
Be running up that building,  
if I only could, oh..._

And now, you've brought up all these feelings; feelings I've buried for so long. I can't think clearly. They say it's a side effect of my disease, but I have a feeling that you're part of the cause. I feel like I'm teetering on the edge of sanity. And you're standing too close.

_Come on, baby, c'mon c'mon darling,  
Let me steal this moment from you now.  
Come on, angel, c'mon, c'mon, darling,  
Let's exchange the experience"  
oh...  
And if I only could,  
make a deal with God,  
And get him to swap our places,  
Be running up that road,  
Be running up that hill,  
(with)No problems._

I have my share of good days and bad. Guess, which one you walked in on?

_And if I only could,  
make a deal with God,  
And I'd get him to swap our places,  
Be running up that road,  
Be running up that hill,  
No problems_

So I'm asking you to go, to leave me alone, so that I can find peace. On my own terms. You owe me this. Call it a final request.

_If I only could, be running up that hill.  
If I only could, be running up that hill.  
If I only could, be running up that hill.  
If I only could, be running up that hill.  
If I only could, be running up that hill.  
If I only could, be running up that hill.  
If I only could, be running up that hill. _

Let me go.

Jude

P.S. Take care of Kurt.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tommy's chest was tight. His knuckles were white from clutching the paper so hard. His tears soaked the paper causing the ink to blur together. He dropped the letter on the bed and ran through the house looking for Jude. He shouted her name, his voice reverberating against the walls, but there was no sign of her. She was gone. She was really gone.

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Just wanted to say a warm thank you to all of the readers and those of you that sent reviews or PM'd me with your thoughts, so thank you from the bottom of my heart.

ISFAN


	7. Don't You Dare

_**A/N**_: It's been a long time since 10-28-06. I missed this fic. Sorry for the wait. Enjoy.

_**Don't You Dare**_

"Where is she?!" Tommy demanded his eyes pleading. Dominique took in his disheveled state, took a sniff, and was surprised at the lack of alcohol scent in the air. "Please…" Tommy said in desperation. "I love her." he said hoarsely his voice breaking.

_Dark cloud moving in_

_Just one fall of rain, could wash away_

_Wash away, the pain._

"She left on a plane for the States." she said taking a hold of his hand in hers and giving it a reassuring squeeze. "The States?" Tommy said confused. "She found a clinical trial. She means to give death a good fight." Dominique said her eyes shining in pride and sadness.

_Just one ray of sun_

_To warm my skin_

_Rid me of the cold you're drowning in_

"She needs me Dominique just like I need her. Will you help me?" Tommy said. "She won't like me telling you where she is." Dominique said resting her hand on her hip a move so reminiscent of Jude that it made his throat ache at the sight. "I can't live without her." Tommy said his eyes shining with unshed tears.

_I could say that I don't care_

_But the truth is, I'd follow you anywhere_

_I've been waiting such a long, long time_

_Don't you dare change,_

_Your mind_

"Alright, I was young and in love once..." Dominique said with an understanding look creasing the corners of her mouth making Tommy feel as if she wished to say more, but didn't.

_Seems so close to me,_

_But still beyond my reach,_

_Calling me_

_and playing hide and seek._

_**An exam room in NYC**_

"Miss Harrison, you'll need to undergo a number of procedures before we will be able to determine whether or not you are eligible for this trial." said the nurse with the kind eyes and motherly smile. "You'll have to undergo a biopsy for pathological proof that your disease matches the protocol. Imaging as well to determine how much the disease has spread throughout your body. You'll undergo lab tests to assess that you're healthy enough to receive treatment. I'll be taking your medical history as well as a physical exam. Now for this process to begin I'll need you to sign consent." she said. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to clear my head.

_Look behind that door_

_I'm the one you've been searching for_

_And I'm not a little girl anymore_

"You don't have to decide right this second. I know this is probably one of the hardest decisions you'll need to make in your young life. Talk it over with your family." she said looking at me with such compassion that my heart began to ache painfully in my chest that I completely lost it. "I'm alone." I said my voice breaking as sobs began to shake my frame. My resolve broke like a damn and I was swept away in a current of misery for the lot I'd been given in life. "Why." I said like a small child holding my hands in tight fists causing my knuckles to turn white and crescent shaped indentations to form in my palms.

_I could say that I don't care_

_But the truth is, I'd follow you anywhere_

_I've been waiting such a long, long time_

_Don't you dare change,_

_Your mind_

"Oh, honey." She murmured into my hair. I felt her arms tighten around my shoulders and knew that this is what it must have felt like to have a mother. I let her hold me until I felt completely drained my rage and sadness ebbing away to throbbing. She took a tissue and dabbed my wet cheeks.

_Don't wander round looking for someone to replace me_

_Don't wander round wasting the rest of your life_

_Don't wander round waiting for someone else to save you_

_And don't you make the same mistake, twice_

"Thank you." I said feeling the tension ease off my shoulders. "I'm ready to sign those papers." I said with a determined set to my lips. "Give 'em hell." She said with a wink.

_**A few hours later**_

Jude was barely conscious as she was wheeled out of the building. Her vision was a little blurry and sounds were distorted. I felt hands gently lift me from the chair I was sitting on and felt myself carried into a dark car, felt a seatbelt being fashioned across my chest and lap, and felt a feather light touch brush my cheek. "I'll call as soon as the results are in. Please take good care of your wife" a melodious voice spoke full of genuine concern. "Wife? I'm definitely not married last time I checked. Who could she possible be talking to?" I mumbled to myself. I heard a faint chuckle, but my eyelids were so heavy and exhaustion seemed to have sufffused my body that investigating wasn't an option.

_**3 a.m.**_

I woke to the sound of traffic and moonlight fighting to reach my bed. I groaned unintelligibly and tried to sit up. Big mistake. Stars swam in my vision and I felt a pair of hands steady me. "Whoa, girl, slow down." said a husky voice. The sound of my heart beating washed out all of the white noise. I felt like I was drowning. Pressure began to build behind my eyes and my chest began to hurt. "Just breathe, Jude." the voice repeated until I could hear my breath rasping from my chest. My fingers reached out tentatively and brushed his cheek. "Are you real?!" I said my voice sounding like it was coming from far away. He gently took my hand and kissed my knuckles. "Yes." he said.

_I could say that I don't care_

_But the truth is, I'd follow you anywhere_

_I've been waiting such a long, long time_

_Don't you dare change,_

_Your mind_

I narrowed my eyes, pulled my hand from him forming a fist, and punched. "Damn it!" I yelled in aggravation as I shook my hand to try to alleviate the pain. "What the hell, Jude." he said rubbing his jaw. "Is that anyway you should talk to your _wife_?!" I hissed eyes blazing. He cringed at the word wife. Goody for me. "I can explain." he said rubbing the back of his neck in discomfort. "This ought to be good!" I said indignantly as I threw my hands up in the air in exasperation. A few heartbeats passed and Tommy continued to stare. I looked down and noticed my breasts were exposed, the cool air hardening my nipples. I lifted the sheet off my body and examined what lay underneath, took one look a Tommy, and found my eyes searching the room for the nearest weapon. "Jude will you let me explain before you bludgeon me to death, please?" he pleaded. I looked at him through narrow slitted eyes as I began to tightly wind the sheet around my torso. "You couldn't leave the facility in the condition you were in and it's not like they'd let you leave with a complete stranger, so I might have told them that you were my wife. I brought you to your hotel room, removed your hospital gown, and lay you on your bed. I've been watching over you in case you needed anything when you woke." he said. I took aim with my pillow and launched it at his head. When I ran out of pillows I continued to glare at him. "Better?" he said as he gathered the pillows. God was he making me aggravated. "Fight back." I wanted to yell. "What are you doing here Tommy? Didn't you get my letter? I asked you to leave me alone. What, you don't believe in respecting a dying girl's last request." I said with a bitter smile. "Don't talk like you're already dead." Tommy said pain lacing through his words. "What are you doing here Tommy? Don't make me repeat myself again!" I said ignoring his earlier comment. "Because you were right about everything, because I want to be there for you, because I need you…" he said walking over to the bed and taking a seat next to my huddled form. I felt his palm cup my cheek. "Because I love you." He said looking into my eyes. I knew he was going to kiss me. He leaned halfway and stopped his eyes closed. He was giving me an out. It was my choice what happened next or didn't happen. I searched my heart and thought about everything I'd been through, everything we'd been through, and knew that no matter how much time I had left on this earth that I wanted to spend them with him. Sometimes all you need is to take a leap of faith. So, with my eyes closed and my forehead leaning against his, I jumped with both eyes open, and kissed him.

_I could say that I don't care_

_But the truth is, I'd follow you_

_I've been waiting such a long, long time_

_Don't you dare change,_

_Your mind_


End file.
